RERUN!!!

REseurrect the thought, sacrifive be not.

Emo girls are slightly out of touch, ya think?

I sound like i'm talking to myself, it scares me but not really. he's comeing and i see clearly, i just can't talk that way.

666....i am it, k? i'm sorry for being what i am but i'm more glad to be just that because because the time will come but not through serpents vicous tongue, read the bible. I can't freestyle but through writing.

i must go sleep some, give me alchohol...you know i'm young i know i'm....done.

FUCK YOU~

I FOLLED YOU ALL HAHAHA BUT ITS OK

because i leave with no restistance. ;)

none but the prophecy, it's mine.

thank you all for believing!!!! in energy that has always been....

i love only one. and he's won what he wants so good luck to you all remember...eharmony.com@@@ the very heart of the soul.

the mind is deceiveing, see curtain down to know.

I will Keep a Note under My Pillow....

oh oops....i already did 3:51 pm on march 23

i forgive you, now let me watch the rest of it.


I am back!!!

However I won't be returning to school for a while. I still have so much work to do! I am not tired as much as relaxed, really. Nothing hurts when everything is whole. But not yet....hehe KT likes to skip ahead to the last chapter sometimes. I wonder who's all reading this but yet I don't care for you, with apologies, I only care for me and my teddy bear. Bree's a smart girl not to trust a danielbeast, and jonas is a smart boy for putting up with her. I root for her, go tell em girl!!!

Latvia...

I think my mother was born around there. She is coming to see me soon, I'm pretty escited. Soetimes things fon't work out as planned, and clues are ignored by the mind because of stage fright. Fight the Lion is a good band, but they still need so much work. I will be back when i feel its nessecary for now...shh.

Not THAT Stupid!

SOOOO lucky!

Of course late, but LUCKY!

I don’t know why though

My causal analysis paper is coming up…coincidence? No more of those, PLEASE!!!

Coincidence does not exist.

Mistakes do. Punishment does.

Time travel is cool.

I’m not that stupid.

1-800-MISSING

Ms. Kelly's absence from HSAO has left many of us students uncomfortable. Personally, I don't know what to say. Too many thoughts come clambered to form words with. It's all unfinished ties.

I don't want to sound redundant...but in some ways whatever happens happens when you don't follow the proper guidelines. If you agree to funding, understand all that comes with that includes the funder's influence in our classwork.

But this isn't why I write here. Ms. Kelly's absence may have an influence on this entry, but it has nothing to do with her disappearance.

I was going to explain my last entry. And I never do this, so pay attention.

"Once upon a time" Now, because it does not necessarily have to be in the past, let's set the dail to future.

"A story in a story, IF you understand my TIME" Self-explanatory (Or should I just say...explanatory)

*Edit: I realize 'tis still unclear, a story in a story if you understand my time (which is set in the future, right?)

"A young girl was a'talkin to her stallion,
Speaking gentle coaxing cooes of whispered
Fairytales and seldom did she speak of this one."

So, she's telling one story, that I remember...

"Frost covered the windows,
The kind you could draw using fingertips.
If your hand was calm, your aim dead-shot
You could paint a whole world if not more."

Remember this stanza!!! It has absolutely no significance now but remember it well for later usage.

"Jasmine, perched atop her roof,
Was a sharin words of wisdom,
Words of distant truths
With her companion for the night."

So now she tells another story...catch the change now:

"'I was but a child when
In love I first fell.
For fairytales existed not
The time before then.'"

So, the time before the character falls in love had no fairytales, correct?

"However, leave he had to
Eventually.
Promising to return quickly.
right
If I was good, did as was told
Never spoke and never stole,
Never lied and never said no,
Improvising all along."

In improvisation, it's a common rule to never say no. It makes for a smoother plot and over-all positive mood.

"He heeded me remember these,
And always rest assured,
If I kept on, with dead-shot aim
All yearnings would be cured."

Now you remember the noted stanza? If not, it's okay...go back and review BEFORE you go on...got to move backward to go forth...oh strike that, reverse it!

"Until the time we meet again,
Until the time we speak again,
Until the time we see again,
We'll blind our eyes and numb our lips
Drawing pictures in the windows with our fingertips."

Now, here's the big one! Drawing pictures in the windows with our fingertips...what can you do with those pictures, kids? (This is CAKE!!!)

"And so have I,
So will I,
Until I've rubbed my finger raw,
Until there's no more room to draw."

CatCh iT!

"So preseverance is the word,
But what is the answer?
I guess you shall write your own,
The End."

I remembered...



Did you quite get the end?


did you remember?




Good. I thought so.

Preseverance

For this entry, I thought how about a story?
you like stories, don't you baby?
Once upon a time, (and this is a story in a story, if you understand my time)
A young girl was a'talkin to her stallion.
Speaking gentle coaxing cooes of whispered
Fairytales and seldom did she speak of this one.

But I remember...

"Frost covered the windows,
The kind you could draw using fingertips.
If your hand was calm, your aim dead-shot
You could paint a whole world if not more.

Jasmine, perched atop her roof,
Was a sharin words of wisdom,
Words of distant truths
With her companion for the night.

'I was but a child when
In love I first fell.
For fairytales existed not
The time before then.

However, leave he had to
Eventually.
Promising to return quickly.

If I was good, did as was told
Never spoke and never stole,
Never lied and never said no,
Improvising all along.

He heeded me remember these,
And always rest assured,
If I kept on, with dead-shot aim
All yearnings would be cured.

Until the time we meet again,
Until the time we speak again,
Until the time we see again,
We'll blind our eyes and numb our lips
Drawing pictures in the windows with our fingertips.

And so have I,
So will I,
Until I've rubbed my finger raw,
Until there's no more room to draw.'

So preseverance is the word,
But what is the answer?
I guess you shall write your own,
The End."

I remembered...
do you?

"if we only want, and reluctantly give well...I'm sure we'd want to give to ourselves much more."-KT Assignment 4

Yes, I quoted myself. I was very proud on that statement when I said it. Now, I don't really remember what I meant.

No matter, KT's had an eventfull week. Our last assignment dealt with altruists (yeah, I learned a new word!)

An altruist is a person opposing the egoist. I have both, an altruist and an egoist in my system such as all. That can sometimes make for the confusion in my frontal lobe. (Has it exploded yet? I don't know....)

Generally speaking, we all want things aside from the basic survival needs. Well, WE ALL is a very broad perspective, personally I don't want anything, and as for the survival needs heck I could give those up in a heartbeat if my most important need was met. But you'll never come, so nevermind.
As an isolated member of the schizophrenic ward I highly doubt in wants. Want something? Work for it, deserve it. It falls in line with classical conditioning. Though the true definition of that is learning to make a reflex response to a stimulus other than the original or natural stimuli.
Comes in handy for actors too.

I had to condition myself in a way that I no longer detested the world we live in. How did I do that? Oh simply by....like I'd give that away. hush, you too

So does this entry have a point, a real purpose? No...I've had to focus on puproses for so long now that I just decided to ramble. You may ignore. In fact I hope you do...

Muffins!

And the winner is....

Respecting others only as much as you respect yourself.

That is the answer to the previous question, and brings us to today's theory.

I have recently gotten into a very deep division of opinion on this, a more perplexed and certainly more paradoxical point of view.

Cummunication as you know by now, has basically been banned from my surroundings upon my own direction and with my supervision.

If there is a need to talk to someone, it feels as if I am not, basically.

So the question this assignment brought up communication in a relationship. Oh, i see you burning red now....
We viewed Bree's recent past...we commented, collected on it. We came to a conclusion.

I came to a confusion. and all cause you're not here...
I said what I thought as right, being honest and all that stuff people say, right?

Then I thought about it. In my own state, I could never be honest. I doubt anyone can be honest, really but that ties in with technology, and that's another chapter.

Fact is, and fact states: Most people now are not actually in real love with their partner. oh that's a shame...

Bree, though childish, has a working mind and will soon come to realize she doesn't feel for Daniel as she thought. But that's for another time children.

I got pretty drunk yesterday night....don't know where that came from....it was only beer. and two tiny drops of thoughts of you knocked me down....

So that brings me to the second part of this whole thing...hihihi.
Respecting others as much as yourself while drunk will make for a much better environment.
The time that backfires is the time you KNOW you need to go home.

Remember this:
it was the sister of that actor....uhh..the father...
Show me the way to go home
I'm tired and I want to go to bed
I had a couple drinks an hour ago
And they went straight to my head...

Mental Dignity?

I once had a shrink who asked if I knew what dignity was. Of course I knew what dignity was! Even more so did I know, once I looked it up to find...I had no dinky clue what dignity was.

As with our current assignment. It seems to focus on human kindness through-out the period of time. How it's changed, developed...I say screw kindness. I gave the best answer I could, but the best answer happened to be the worst. I don't know about kindness or the effects, plus, why should it matter to me? if you're not here why should anything matter?
Well anyhow, all this talk of kindness and helping people out got me to think...I have no one to help out. My puppy could care less if I was saying "please" and "thank you", heck he wouldn't care if I called him a snot nosed drooling tarantula wannabe.
So why should that matter to me?
Because I made a stupid promise long ago and I always keep my promises. wish you would....
Now there's an act of dignity, if not a little odd. So the point I'm getting to is this: If having mental dignity is having respect for yourself, then isolated kindness would be....?

Think about it.

It's not that hard....

Back To Reality

School starts back up again soon!! I'm so excited! KT's been out of her mind out of touch with the few things that give her life meaning. tell me i'm doing the right thing
Anyhow, I look forward to meeting with my peers once more to discuss the ever darkening topics at HSA. Good and evil were our last, remember? Oh KT, you know so much on the subject.
What about Miss Bree? I believe, this is the first time I have mentioned her name in my blog. can you forgive me?
Oh yes...a rebellious little girl...runs from home to escape a predicament, finds herself living with two boys (one of which, she doesn't even know) betrays their trust, (for some reason they still trust her) and runs to them when it seems all other doors are closed. tsk tsk bree....i thought i knew you better.
What happened? She never used to care what people thought of her. She had become almost a crutch, a someone who could relate and understand without being actually obvious. Then she simply had to "come out". Why did you start posting v-logs?
I felt a bit betrayed, to say the least. Then I had to remind myself it's okay, not everyone can hang on like you can, KT. if anything bree should inspire you to hold tighter
Well it finally settled in my tummy like a nest of wild butterflies. I realized not only the importance of what we do, but the significance of how we do it. good? or evil?

If we take a fair example...oh say, keeping yourself grounded to your own fundamentals and sticking close to your family, we can see that there are infinitely many ways to do so without seeming....suspicious. it's called acting, dear.
And if you are to post videos revealing your home, your friends, your FAMILY, understand you are endangering them and should probably put on an act.

I have little to worry though...I have no family to endanger (at least none close to me) and my home is where my heart is. and my heart is with someone you will never know

The one person I have need to protect, incidentially, I also do not. They are wiser than Bree, and know how to keep their connections to themselves.

So it seems after a slight slip of brain activity that KT's back in working order, ready to tackle more mind boggling inquiries of the world that surrounds her box. and the treasure outside it
Who knows...perhaps she's still got a fighting chance?

New Year's Resolutions

First an apology. To all those hoping for uplifting words of wisdom to hold on to. This is the time of year I get cynical. It's just the time i miss you most...

Because I have been down in the pile of poo outside his doorstep, I decided I'd try something new.
A new tradition never hurt, right?

I never have made any new year's resolutions but as things have been a bit out of control I thought I'd better do something.

So...1) No cutting my hair until I have reached my final weight goal and kept it steady for a week.
2) Try to be kinder...just try.
3) Try to be more assertive, less observant.
4) Stop trying to do things. Just do them.

And last but not least, KT, control your mental state. keep your temper
Don't over-think. over estimate your oponent
Don't go blind. keep your eyes wide shut.
Don't forget to breathe. we'd hate to die after coming this far...

Out Of Touch

this is for you ...
I know I suck at traditionsS. Christmas cheer means as much to me as yearly Christmas tears. Pperhaps I'm just losing it. That's it, KT. you're a nut.

Eeven so.i'm.sorry.baby.I can't help but miss the things I do not have this glorious day. Ccoincidences leave me wondering, pondering, whispering to myself. Ii know I mustn't think like that. I know how bad it is for me.

In Europe the time leading up to Christmas day is called Aadvent. They have four. Four weeks of winter, four candles lit and cookies everywhere. I had none this year, I'm staying healthy. At least physically.

What do I want this Christmas? Just you...
Hmm...good question. There was a time I'd squeal over a dead-eyed doll or a shiny new CD. I find these revolting now. Llanterns lit the streets last night as I, on my own Christmas, wished yet again for just one thing. Santa seems an aweful busy man. Ffive years of gifts that mean nothing...he should get a carreer change.

Rremembering old Christmases is kind of fun. Sad in a way, because everything good must Eend. Ii remember this one, we went sledding until my toes were numb and my hands cramped around the rope. Nnever doing that again!

Well I need to run...I hope everyone enjoys their time with their family. Wish you were here...

"Fuse together, help it mend
Seal the book for a happy endD*
You know who you are. . . I am waiting here

Merry

It's Christmas today, not for you, but for me. My family's traditional Christmas is on the eve. It is also, incidentially my first Christmas alone. Usually my family and I would be together, but recent ventures have moved us far across the globe. Hellooooo??

I cannot say I don't miss them, nor can I fully confess to missing our traditional ways of doing things but unfortunately I'm not Peter Pan. Every kid has to grow up. Except one...

I can however, tell you I'm not feeling too well. It seems the change of lifestyle and tradition has had some affect on me, and although it gets tougher...well I'm still standing. :) t-r-y-t-o-k-n-o-c-k-me-d-o-w-n-!

I had to drop off gifts and things all day and am quite tired....tired of hearing voices, tired of seeing faces, tired of it all. So I will proceed to my warm bed with a smiling sigh and wish you all a very good night.




Especially you, angel...sleep tight.

Tug-o-War?

They say I'm not crazy as long as I know good from bad. That as long as I can keep the two apart with my full knowledge, I'll be fine.
The line is getting so horribly thin...
Do you know how hard that is? It's like I'm a rope in a twisted game of tug-o-war trying hard to believe one without dismissing the other.
i don't know what to believe.
With the way this society's set up...almost everything you come across seems to be either good or evil in some way. I hate it. Can't we just be, instead of being something?
i'm not making sense again...
I need a sign, oh allmighty F**K.
i CAN'T DO THIS alone.

"But someday, someday,
You'll learn to need no more.
You'll learn to heed no more.
You'll learn to be."

Rebound

So as any would, I experimented with that which fascinated me. Socializing! itwasbad
As far as small talk goes I'm a pure born idiot, but apart from that my toes freezing off it was alright. Not too exciting, really. A disapointment.
Now I am back in my peaceful solitude, and wonder...what about their solitudes? I mean clearly I'm not alone in being alone. i really hope so...

"Where does the crowd go when the party's over?"
Home?
Who knows, but I bet they miss their solitude.

Show me the way to go home
i'm tired and i want to go to bed
i had a couple drinks an hour ago
And they went straight into my head...

Missing

Solitude is a tough road to travel.

In it's purest form, there is no one but yourself. You pick yourself up, and ironically you let yourself fail. You choose to know and you choose to block out.

Yet something's missing....whether it is knowledge, or lack of, I do not know.

But I won't dwell on things so unclear just yet. Patience will get me there. I have to focus on what I know to elaborate and learn of things I do not. It all starts from the ground up. A building, a tree, a lie.
I lie a lot...perhaps you can see it?
A school.

I wish so much I could get to know my peers...it seems they, at least would understand this chosen form of solitary confinment.
Our form of growth...
However, I follow the rules. HSA has given me so much...it's only fair I let them take their own precautions. Or just let them take.

I'm still much stronger, I feel so much better knowing...at least there are bright minds alive....at least I'm not alone.

Subconscious Thoughts

Sometimes there are things you think knowingly and subconsciously. (Duh, KT!)

Well that's the intro hihihi....you know what's coming....or not.

i grew up all over the world. i traveled every few months and never had friends....at all. Until i stayed put one year in highschool. The first year. The crucial year. Everyone started clumping up in groups of their middle schools. I had no friends from middle school....but one, really. i tried to be a social butterfly, i got nowhere though considering my connections were shut off for a reason.

The few connections that did remain, howeveri.mi.ss.yo.ui thought of subconsciously through every journey, and every place i'd be calling home for a while.
I want to go home so bad...
On the whole, those stayed.

Questions that remain:

What rules? Subconsciousness or consciousness?

Who are these people in the long run?

Do they really help with developing the self?
I don't know, I am lost.

Interaction

I thought this to be fitting...

I wouldn't really do this but I feel it is holding me back in my studies. I can't very well be seen as a good student if I keep all the answers to myself.

I don't socialize. Typically as a rule, it is against my nature. I prefer solitude to masses anyday however, yesterday I realized how vital this...socializing can be for some. I will explain.

My friend has been having emotional troubles. She currently needs support from all angles just to stand. She cannot stand on her own. I used to think that pathetic. I still do, to some extent yet I can't just let her fall. So I'll let her lean on me. Help her along the path she's afraid to walk alone.


W-E-A-K


However, I do believe one should try and stand on one's own. I do. I stand alone and I stand solidly.

Perhaps some bright minds are still out there.

Happiness

How is first-class honest downright happiness achieved?
One way. It's one single path to follow. A goal, an achievement. Once you get there there's no turning back.
Who would want that?

Metanya says do not study reality as it is truth and that you all know. Instead study yourself, as no one will know what you know.

I have given up arguing with her...she just always lashes back.

By the way, I haven't introduced myself...I'm Karrie, nice to meet you.