"if we only want, and reluctantly give well...I'm sure we'd want to give to ourselves much more."-KT Assignment 4

Yes, I quoted myself. I was very proud on that statement when I said it. Now, I don't really remember what I meant.

No matter, KT's had an eventfull week. Our last assignment dealt with altruists (yeah, I learned a new word!)

An altruist is a person opposing the egoist. I have both, an altruist and an egoist in my system such as all. That can sometimes make for the confusion in my frontal lobe. (Has it exploded yet? I don't know....)

Generally speaking, we all want things aside from the basic survival needs. Well, WE ALL is a very broad perspective, personally I don't want anything, and as for the survival needs heck I could give those up in a heartbeat if my most important need was met. But you'll never come, so nevermind.
As an isolated member of the schizophrenic ward I highly doubt in wants. Want something? Work for it, deserve it. It falls in line with classical conditioning. Though the true definition of that is learning to make a reflex response to a stimulus other than the original or natural stimuli.
Comes in handy for actors too.

I had to condition myself in a way that I no longer detested the world we live in. How did I do that? Oh simply by....like I'd give that away. hush, you too

So does this entry have a point, a real purpose? No...I've had to focus on puproses for so long now that I just decided to ramble. You may ignore. In fact I hope you do...

Muffins!

And the winner is....

Respecting others only as much as you respect yourself.

That is the answer to the previous question, and brings us to today's theory.

I have recently gotten into a very deep division of opinion on this, a more perplexed and certainly more paradoxical point of view.

Cummunication as you know by now, has basically been banned from my surroundings upon my own direction and with my supervision.

If there is a need to talk to someone, it feels as if I am not, basically.

So the question this assignment brought up communication in a relationship. Oh, i see you burning red now....
We viewed Bree's recent past...we commented, collected on it. We came to a conclusion.

I came to a confusion. and all cause you're not here...
I said what I thought as right, being honest and all that stuff people say, right?

Then I thought about it. In my own state, I could never be honest. I doubt anyone can be honest, really but that ties in with technology, and that's another chapter.

Fact is, and fact states: Most people now are not actually in real love with their partner. oh that's a shame...

Bree, though childish, has a working mind and will soon come to realize she doesn't feel for Daniel as she thought. But that's for another time children.

I got pretty drunk yesterday night....don't know where that came from....it was only beer. and two tiny drops of thoughts of you knocked me down....

So that brings me to the second part of this whole thing...hihihi.
Respecting others as much as yourself while drunk will make for a much better environment.
The time that backfires is the time you KNOW you need to go home.

Remember this:
it was the sister of that actor....uhh..the father...
Show me the way to go home
I'm tired and I want to go to bed
I had a couple drinks an hour ago
And they went straight to my head...

Mental Dignity?

I once had a shrink who asked if I knew what dignity was. Of course I knew what dignity was! Even more so did I know, once I looked it up to find...I had no dinky clue what dignity was.

As with our current assignment. It seems to focus on human kindness through-out the period of time. How it's changed, developed...I say screw kindness. I gave the best answer I could, but the best answer happened to be the worst. I don't know about kindness or the effects, plus, why should it matter to me? if you're not here why should anything matter?
Well anyhow, all this talk of kindness and helping people out got me to think...I have no one to help out. My puppy could care less if I was saying "please" and "thank you", heck he wouldn't care if I called him a snot nosed drooling tarantula wannabe.
So why should that matter to me?
Because I made a stupid promise long ago and I always keep my promises. wish you would....
Now there's an act of dignity, if not a little odd. So the point I'm getting to is this: If having mental dignity is having respect for yourself, then isolated kindness would be....?

Think about it.

It's not that hard....

Back To Reality

School starts back up again soon!! I'm so excited! KT's been out of her mind out of touch with the few things that give her life meaning. tell me i'm doing the right thing
Anyhow, I look forward to meeting with my peers once more to discuss the ever darkening topics at HSA. Good and evil were our last, remember? Oh KT, you know so much on the subject.
What about Miss Bree? I believe, this is the first time I have mentioned her name in my blog. can you forgive me?
Oh yes...a rebellious little girl...runs from home to escape a predicament, finds herself living with two boys (one of which, she doesn't even know) betrays their trust, (for some reason they still trust her) and runs to them when it seems all other doors are closed. tsk tsk bree....i thought i knew you better.
What happened? She never used to care what people thought of her. She had become almost a crutch, a someone who could relate and understand without being actually obvious. Then she simply had to "come out". Why did you start posting v-logs?
I felt a bit betrayed, to say the least. Then I had to remind myself it's okay, not everyone can hang on like you can, KT. if anything bree should inspire you to hold tighter
Well it finally settled in my tummy like a nest of wild butterflies. I realized not only the importance of what we do, but the significance of how we do it. good? or evil?

If we take a fair example...oh say, keeping yourself grounded to your own fundamentals and sticking close to your family, we can see that there are infinitely many ways to do so without seeming....suspicious. it's called acting, dear.
And if you are to post videos revealing your home, your friends, your FAMILY, understand you are endangering them and should probably put on an act.

I have little to worry though...I have no family to endanger (at least none close to me) and my home is where my heart is. and my heart is with someone you will never know

The one person I have need to protect, incidentially, I also do not. They are wiser than Bree, and know how to keep their connections to themselves.

So it seems after a slight slip of brain activity that KT's back in working order, ready to tackle more mind boggling inquiries of the world that surrounds her box. and the treasure outside it
Who knows...perhaps she's still got a fighting chance?

New Year's Resolutions

First an apology. To all those hoping for uplifting words of wisdom to hold on to. This is the time of year I get cynical. It's just the time i miss you most...

Because I have been down in the pile of poo outside his doorstep, I decided I'd try something new.
A new tradition never hurt, right?

I never have made any new year's resolutions but as things have been a bit out of control I thought I'd better do something.

So...1) No cutting my hair until I have reached my final weight goal and kept it steady for a week.
2) Try to be kinder...just try.
3) Try to be more assertive, less observant.
4) Stop trying to do things. Just do them.

And last but not least, KT, control your mental state. keep your temper
Don't over-think. over estimate your oponent
Don't go blind. keep your eyes wide shut.
Don't forget to breathe. we'd hate to die after coming this far...

Out Of Touch

this is for you ...
I know I suck at traditionsS. Christmas cheer means as much to me as yearly Christmas tears. Pperhaps I'm just losing it. That's it, KT. you're a nut.

Eeven so.i'm.sorry.baby.I can't help but miss the things I do not have this glorious day. Ccoincidences leave me wondering, pondering, whispering to myself. Ii know I mustn't think like that. I know how bad it is for me.

In Europe the time leading up to Christmas day is called Aadvent. They have four. Four weeks of winter, four candles lit and cookies everywhere. I had none this year, I'm staying healthy. At least physically.

What do I want this Christmas? Just you...
Hmm...good question. There was a time I'd squeal over a dead-eyed doll or a shiny new CD. I find these revolting now. Llanterns lit the streets last night as I, on my own Christmas, wished yet again for just one thing. Santa seems an aweful busy man. Ffive years of gifts that mean nothing...he should get a carreer change.

Rremembering old Christmases is kind of fun. Sad in a way, because everything good must Eend. Ii remember this one, we went sledding until my toes were numb and my hands cramped around the rope. Nnever doing that again!

Well I need to run...I hope everyone enjoys their time with their family. Wish you were here...

"Fuse together, help it mend
Seal the book for a happy endD*
You know who you are. . . I am waiting here

Merry

It's Christmas today, not for you, but for me. My family's traditional Christmas is on the eve. It is also, incidentially my first Christmas alone. Usually my family and I would be together, but recent ventures have moved us far across the globe. Hellooooo??

I cannot say I don't miss them, nor can I fully confess to missing our traditional ways of doing things but unfortunately I'm not Peter Pan. Every kid has to grow up. Except one...

I can however, tell you I'm not feeling too well. It seems the change of lifestyle and tradition has had some affect on me, and although it gets tougher...well I'm still standing. :) t-r-y-t-o-k-n-o-c-k-me-d-o-w-n-!

I had to drop off gifts and things all day and am quite tired....tired of hearing voices, tired of seeing faces, tired of it all. So I will proceed to my warm bed with a smiling sigh and wish you all a very good night.




Especially you, angel...sleep tight.